I am Guilty

Does the Mommy guilt EVER end?? No--please don't tell me.  I suspect the answer is a big fat no. 

Here is what I feel guilty about now.  (which is to say at this moment--not in general) Ben is playing with an electric baby monitor.  I am sitting on the sofa, comfy in my jammies on a wet and rainy Friday.  Shouldn't I be doing something with him?  (to further add to the delinquency of my child the TV, of course, is on) Shouldn't I be implementing one of the many, many play therapies and strategies I've been trained to do? Maybe I should start by unplugging the baby monitor to cut down on electric shock risk?

In general my guilt lies all over the place.

Financially based guilt: We aren't putting nearly enough away for college--what will happen?? We owe a bloody ton of money to the IRS this year--what if we can't do fun things for a few months because of that? OMG what if we can't buy stuff for our kids??? When we go to McDonald's or ChickFilA instead of fixing food that we already have (and paid for) at home--are we teaching them bad financial AND unhealthful habits?

Laziness guilt: If you know me well you know that one of my favorite things to do is nothing.  Or napping.  I love naps.  Our weekends here in Paradise revolve around nap time.  Ben naps, Hubby & I each get a sofa to nap on, and Addie & Cassie are banished to the basement playroom to watch a DVD and play quietly.  Between my love of doing nothing and my love of napping it's a fair assessment that my children (often) witness me sitting on my arse.  Am I teaching them to be lazy? Am I teaching them that just hanging around the house is the only thing to do? Wait, I'm getting sleepy.

Activities guilt: I don't push my kids to do activities, and frankly I get cranky with the ones we have in place.  Whether it's hubby's schedule, my own laziness (see above) or just what--I get cranky trying to get my kids ready for their activities--and that is the most unpleasant thing.  Addie's only been in art one week so far and I'm already dreading tomorrow (Saturday) morning.  Having to get up and get two kids ready (Cassie goes to ballet--which requires a particular set of tights/leotard and a hard-to-do bun in her hair) on a Saturday makes me absolutely lose my mind.  Where is the "Saturday" in this??? I digress.  But--I feel guilty about it. All of it. 

Oh--and speaking of guilt--here is a big one.  I am really guilty because I can't wait for Cassie to go to FULL DAY KINDERGARTEN.  I cannot wait to see her cute little pig tales get on that bus with Addie and drive away to school.  Oh wait...I feel guilty now because I just wished her last months of "little kid-dom" away.  ACK!!! Seriously I know in my heart that she is 100% ready for kindergarten--but I compare myself to my good friends who are mourning the entry into big kid-dom...and BAM!! The guilt is back. 

So, what's a mom to do??

I do know that I have happy kids--I don't feel guilty about that, I am proud of that!! I also know that my kids feel loved and protected...definitely not guilty about that! I do know that my kids have good hearts and they are learning to be empathetic, caring people.  Wait--that's a good one...no guilt there! My kids get to see their parents hug and kiss each day--this is one I am really big on--and I am proud of it--so again--no guilt!!

Well, maybe a little guilt ain't so bad.